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The Top 5 Actresses I Hate the Most

July 2, 2008

Some people may claim these actresses are excellently skilled at their craft, but don’t be fooled. They aren’t. Unless of course their craft is the ability to ruin films and/or my day with their mere existence.

Helena Bonham Carter

No, eccentricity isn't cool.

HBC, Johnny Depp, and Tim Burton round out the Ultimate Triumvirate of Suckdom. They all overdo everything, ALL of the time. Trying to find subtlety in their work is like trying to find intelligence in their fans. You’ll just be wasting your time, and worst yet, be exposed to their nauseatingly unrelenting support of these three.

Helen Hunt

Her voice and face are like squeezing out a painful deuce.

I would hate Helen Hunt a lot more, as the sound of her voice is enough to make my bowels constrict, but luckily she hasn’t done much lately. I wish I could say the same for the rest of the women on this list as they tend to make me miss movies I would otherwise be interested in.

Angelina Jolie

I just can't get past the grubworm lips.

I think I mostly hate Jolie because everyone keeps talking about how beautiful she is. I just don’t see it. The more I don’t see it, the more I hate her. She has the body of a peasant (wide, straight hips, no curves beyond her ginormous breasts), those nappy grubworm-like lips, and a long face. She does have nice eyes, and I do think she has some acting ability. More importantly, she can fade in to a cast. She doesn’t have to be at the forefront of every scene she is in. For that, I applaud her. Also, for an activist celebrity, she does actually seem to practice what she preaches. That’s a nice change of pace (I’m looking at you Al Gore and Sean Penn). She is easily the closest to being removed from this list.

Nicole Kidman

Does this even need a comment?

I really don’t know from whence my hatred of Kidman originates. I just don’t like her. She IS an Aussie. That is sure to be part of it, but not enough on its own to merit my hatred of her. I think a lot of it is caused by Cold Mountain. I was so thoroughly disappointed with it, and I think I focused all of that bad karma on her. Actually, maybe that is the answer. I do seem to be disappointed with almost all of the movies I have seen her in. Coincidence or not, she takes the blame. It’s like a captain taking responsibility for his crew’s failure. It’s a harsh reality, but thems the rules.

Renée Zellweger

Yeah, that's attractive.

Any straight male that finds her attractive on ANY level needs their eyes gouged out, and ears plugged with the soupy mixture formerly residing in their orbital socket. They’ve obviously misused those senses, and are no longer worthy of them. Here’s an idea, let’s get an annoying American cow to play an English women despite the fact that the majority of the truly good actresses today are found on the British isles. Great idea. My complete detestation of all things Zellweger will NEVER subside. She could cure cancer, aids, and poison ivy tomorrow, and I will still hate the very ground she walks on. More than that, I will hate the people who keep giving her jobs, who keep buying tickets to her show, and who keep writing accolades about her ability. I hate you all.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Sean permalink
    June 5, 2011 4:37 pm

    I believe Helena Bonham Carter is a terrific Bellatrix Lestrange in the Harry Potter films. I do agree with your assessment of Tim Burton. He is annoying, over the top, and my least favorite director of all time. And I definetly agree with description of Renee Zellweger, I cant stand her. She is an awful, ugly actress.

    • June 5, 2011 4:46 pm

      I have to admit I didn’t mind HBC as much in the Deathly Hallows Part 1. It didn’t hurt that the film itself was vastly superior to the HBP. In a perfect world someone else would still be playing the part though. Even in “The King’s Speech,” in which she was quite good, I still found myself irritated by her mere appearance. That’s not fair to her, but what can you do?

  2. KittyKat permalink
    July 2, 2011 4:41 pm

    hmmm. Maybe its some sort of deep rooted psychological reason why you hate people for no reason so much? probably

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