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Mystery Men (1999 – PG-13)

April 10, 2009

Originally posted on December 15, 2003


In Mystery Men, a group of wannabe super heroes tries anything to create their niche in the balance between good and evil.  When the city’s chief crime fighter is killed, will they be able to rise to the challenge?  This movie idea was adapted from a comic book idea detailing poser super heroes.  I like the premise.

Story = 18


Hank Azaria, Claire Forlani, Janeane Garofalo, Greg Kinnear, William H. Macy, Kel Mitchell, Lena Olin, Paul Reubens, Geoffrey Rush, Ben Stiller, Wes Studi, Tom Waits, Eddie Izzard, Artie Lange, Louise Lasser, and Luis Guzmán.  I absolutely love this cast.  I named one of my online gaming aliases after the actor Wes Studi (MMM_Westudi).  Eddie Izzard is quite simply one of the funniest people on the planet, and I really hope that Tom Baker’s rumor will become a valid prediction and that Izzard will be the next Doctor Who.  I am really starting to dig Tom Waits’ music, and I enjoy his role in this film.  Oh yeah, Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Kinear, Rush, Garofalo, Azaria, and the rest of the people are pretty good too.

Cast = 20


The thing that pisses me off about this soundtrack is that Smash Mouth are a bunch of peckers.  They didn’t want their song to be associated with the film because they were afraid the film would flop (which it did, but that is besides the point).  If your concern is about whether or not a movie will flop, don’t whore your music out for soundtracks.  Other than the aforementioned jerkstores, the soundtrack is mostly some generic, comic book themed movie fluff (Does that even qualify as a sentence? I suppose if I hadn’t mentioned anything about it it would have worked well enough on the internet and its lacking of grammatical excellence.)

Soundtrack/Score = 04

Quote/Catch Phrase

“Don’t mess with a volcano my man, cause I will go Pompei on your.. butt.”  “I will keep dreaming, I will keep dreaming my friend, and when I wake up you better hope you’re asleep.”  “But I didn’t, I only knew that you’d know that I knew. Did you know that?”  “It’s really quite cool.”  “He’s either very smart or very dumb.”  “Do yourself a favor and don’t punch my clock, because I am a Pantera’s box you do not wanna open.”  “He who questions training, only trains himself at asking questions.”  “Patience my son. To summon your powers for the conflict to come, you must first have power over that which conflicts you.”  “I don’t need a compass to tell me which way the wind shines.”  “Are you ready?  Then let operation Three-eyed, Three-legged Eagle begin.”  “You dress in the manor of a male prostitute.”  “We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering.”  “We are number one!  All others are number two or lower.”  Wes Studi is the friggin man.

Quote/Catch Phrase = 20


I love the fact that they spoofed those crappy comic book movies.  They all sucked up till the time this movie was made, but Spiderman was a pretty solid effort.  I remember when two of my brothers and I went to see this movie in the theatre.  Including the three of us, there were 7 people in the theatre.  I think I recall reading that this movie cost $60 million, but didn’t even gross $30 million at the box office.  Even with that being the case, however, the DVD sold remarkably well.  This movie really has the potential to be a cult classic, but it certainly hasn’t garnered such a favored position in Hollywood’s ranks yet.

Rewatchability = 14

Total Score = 76

This low score isn’t truly indicative of my feelings for this film.  I love this movie.  It was one of the first movies I bought on DVD.  I couldn’t recommend with any more vigilancee than I now am, that you watch this film, then you buy this film on DVD, and then you continue to watch this film over and over again until you know by heart the silly lines that compose its grandiose design.

(EDIT from 2009 – OK, that was a tad gay.  I do still like the film, but my fondness for it has diminished a tad over the years.)

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