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My Top 10 Least Favorite Movies of 2009

December 26, 2009

10. (500) Days of Summer – PG-13


I love Zooey Deschanel, like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, thought it was cool to see Geoffrey Arend, and was stoked that Regina Spektor was used for the trailer.  You’d think these things would combine to make this movie one of my favorites.  Not so.  In fairness, I blame this on the trailers for the film.  I hated the trailers, and didn’t really want to watch the film as a result.  Therefore, I expected to not like the film going in, and that’s pretty much what happened.  There are certain things I really liked, and it probably shouldn’t be on this list, but it is.

09. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard – R


If you’ve seen the classic Kurt Russell screwball comedy, Used Cars, then don’t bother watching this.  It’s not technically a remake, but it’s essentially a lite version of the same story.  There were some laughs, but as a whole, it was mediocre.

08. Superman/Batman: Public Enemies – PG-13


This video release suffers from bad timing mostly.  Green Lantern: First Flight was the top of the steadily increasingly quality DC releases.  This movie was appreciably less good.  The story was the main issue, as the voice cast was top notch.  A weak story for a comic book animated adventure will kill you every time.

07. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – PG-13


This picture sums up the strategy for the flick: have Megan Fox show more skin so people don’t notice we don’t really have much more to offer the story.  While I appreciate the motivation for that strategy, Fox, as attractive as she is, is not enough to bail this film out.  I kind of liked this movie, but all in all it’s basically the same darn thing as the first.  It just seemed like a quarter of the film was rehashed junk from the first. 

06. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – PG-13


This film makes me sad.  Azkaban and Goblet were quality films, but since Yates took over, the series has been progressively worse.  Why they stuck with Yates when both Alfonso Cuarón and Guillermo del Toro both expressed interest, I will never know.  The fact that John Williams wanted to return to composing for the series, and that he was DENIED, is completely unthinkable.  I hold out no hope for the final films, but I am certain of one thing, Helena Bonham Carter will scream in EVERY SCENE SHE IS IN.

05. Push – PG-13


I can’t remember if i finished watching this movie or not.  That’s not a good sign.  I do know I saw this scene.  I do know I thought the story was convoluted and essentially a rip-off of other science-fiction.  Other than that, I can’t remember much.  That’s why it’s on this list.

04. Crank 2: High Voltage – R


The first Crank was filthy yes, but had some pretty funny moments.  It had a low-class charm about it.  The sequel was more of everything except charm.  It went so over the top with the absurdity that it became nearly unwatchable.  I couldn’t wait for the film to end.

03. Year One – PG-13


Year One was disappointing.  I loved the cast and I love Harold Ramis, but nothing seemed to gel right.  The whole was far less than the sum of the parts on this one.  There wasn’t much of a story, and that became more and more evident as the movie dragged on painfully.  What would have been awesome, would have been to make the sequel to History of the World: Part I.  That would have been epic as long as Brooks was involved.

02. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – PG-13


What a waste of a hot, hot woman.  How can you not let Scarlet shine?  That’s the first thing I think of when I consider this film.  Then I think, how annoying it is that you can’t tell who anyone is by their appearance except for Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow.  That was one of the great things about the cartoons and figures, you knew who they were.  Apparently, they wanted to make the movie more “realistic” so they decided everyone would be in a standardized uniform.  They wanted that realistic, but were fine with the absurd technology that basically made them into human Transformers.  Sure.

01. Fanboys – PG-13


I had heard so much of this film as it struggled through the editing process that I KNEW I would love it.  Shatner with a cameo in a film about Star Wars.  SHATNER!  Throw some of my favorites like Kristen Bell, Seth Rogen, Dan Fogler, Jay Baruchel, Danny Trejo, Joe Lo Truglio, and Ethan Suplee, with further cameos from Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Will Forte, Craig Robinson, Ray Park, Billy Dee Williams, and Carrie Fisher, and you’ve got a classic.  Well, you should have, but not with this pile of turds.  The other two protagonists are woefully bad, and they drag this movie down into the abyss of suckitude.  What a misuse of pop culture potential.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Ben permalink
    July 2, 2010 8:38 pm

    I’m happy someone liked Alfonso Cuarón besides me. Everyone I seem to know or everything I seem to read denounce the path he chose with the third installment. Out of the six films, I thought he was the only director to really infuse the series with a very clear point-of-view.

    I love Carter though, I like all the casting done with this series. Gambon’s a tad more exuberant than his novel counterpart.

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