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My Top 10 Least Favorite Movies of 2017

December 29, 2017

I actually couldn’t come up with 10. Most of the movies I saw this year were at the very least acceptable. Here is my top 6 worst list.

6. Kong: Skull Island – PG-13

I didn’t hate this movie. I was just hoping for more than what was given. It was fairly entertaining and the special effects were solid. The surprise reveal at the end setting up further films didn’t exactly leave me screaming for more.

5. Baywatch – R

Yeah, obviously, I wasn’t expecting much with this one. However, CHiPs was actually quite entertaining in a juvenile way. This should have tried to follow suite. I guess it did, but it failed miserably.

4. The Mummy – PG-13

Almost every film on this list is either a sequel, reboot, or TV to film transfer. It’s not surprising that these would be the most disappointing, and The Mummy is certainly no exception. The special effects were pretty enough, but this movie was heartless. The introduction of Dr. Jekyll left me scratching my head. Apparently, the plan was to reintroduce all of the Universal classic monsters. It seems that plan has been nixed after the failure of The Mummy. Good call.

3. Blade Runner 2049 – R

In fairness, I haven’t finished watching this film. I keep falling asleep while I watch it. That’s why it’s on the list. The shots seem gratuitous even if beautiful. It feels like a cinematographical masturbatory session with a ginormous budget. I loved the original, and I may grow to love this one, but I’m not there yet.

2. Star Wars Ep. VIII: The Last Jedi – PG-13

In the interest of full disclosure, I am a Star Wars fan and therefore I am holding this to a higher standard that is missed almost completely. SPOILERS follow, so beware.

It was too long (the whole scene on the casino world of Rainbow Bright or whatever it was called was WAY too long, and ultimately completely pointless).

The “comedic” scenes felt too forced and came too often. The caretakers, the penguins, and the space cow on Luke’s island all served NO PURPOSE but comic relief. There wasn’t enough drama in the movie that required THAT MUCH comic relief, nor were they particularly funny. Had it just been the penguins it wouldn’t have been too bad. The whole dialog with Poe in the first scene was jarring in its inappropriate feel. There was comic relief in the original trilogy but never so forced (forgive the pun).

The three heroes of the new trilogy have been together exactly once and only long enough to say, “Hi. Nice to meet you.” Han, Leia, and Luke were a team by the end of A New Hope. The same camaraderie just doesn’t exist with these three. I love the actors, but the character development took a step back for them in this film with the exception of Rey. Her development was a bright spot as was Kylo Ren’s. Finn was on a pointless trip to the Monaco of Star Wars, and Poe took a huge step back. Why Leia decided to keep him out of the plan is beyond unknowable. It makes NO sense. Felt like a time waster.

Speaking of time waster, how about watching two hours of O.J. Simpson’s slow-speed white Ford Bronco chase in space? That’s what this movie was. Why they didn’t release the tie fighters to make mincemeat of the rebel fleet is astounding. Better yet, why not have other fleets jump in from light speed on the other side of the rebel fleet? The whole premise the film is based on is just absurdly flawed.

Yes, there were some satisfying points: Yoda using the force after being dead to destroy the tree, Luke being a badass and force projecting himself across the universe, Kylo cleverly masking his intentions to destroy Snoke, etc. That too illustrates why this movie is horrible though. It completely diminishes or otherwise destroys all of the tension, questions, and direction of Episode 7. Rey being descended from Jedi greatness? Yeah, turns out her parents were merely white trash. Snoke’s identity possibly being Palpatine, Plaguis (sp? too lazy to check) or someone else? Who cares he’s skewered halfway into the movie. A budding relationship between Finn and Rey? Nevermind, we’ll throw in a girl who can’t act and will fall in love with him before a full day has passed.

The only reason this isn’t the worst film of the year (or decade) is because I am waiting to see if J.J. can work his magic and save this otherwise inexcusable direction. If Kylo was simply lying about Rey’s parentage or otherwise mistaken, if the tension and epic nature of Star Wars can be restored in the final film, then maybe I can really come to enjoy this film. Until then, if I take off my fan boy glasses, this movie sucked.

1 Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – PG-13

Guess how many times I have walked out on a movie that I went to see in theater? Once. Guess which movie it was. Pretty, but shallow and with little resembling a plot. I was hoping for something more like The Fifth Element. Didn’t happen.

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